Deborah Carney

Where I Celebrate Life

Why I Love the Affiliate Marketing Industry – Or How I got Started

For the very beginning – go listen to this.

Today my son Chris would be 33 years old. To know how I got into affiliate marketing you need to hear some things that have gotten easier to type about and it is kismet that I am posting this in a thread where two people helped me stay in this industry and not just fade away into the woodwork. This isn’t a “be sorry for me” post, it is a how affiliate marketing and the people I met in this industry gave me support, courage and pushed me to move out of a funk I thought I would be in for the rest of my life.

My sons had a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. That means their nervous system stopped telling new muscles what to do when they were 9 months old. So their upper body was stronger than their lower (that’s how babies develop, from the top down 🙂 ) and they were never able to stand unaided or bear weight, so no pivot turns or lifting to their feet, they needed to be carried when going to bed or bathroom etc. When they were young I was a stay at home Mom and Wedding Photographer, so I only worked “weekends” while their dad could take care of them. For years our family was involved in public speaking and advocacy for the Muscular Dystrophy Assoc and disability rights. Those of you that have met my daughter Liz can attest to her composure in public, that stems from being on the news and in the public spotlight for several years starting very young.

They got older, I got divorced from their dad and I needed to work from home. One of the first websites I built was one for the local MDA office. Then I found Amazon and started to build sites with recommended reading on topics I was interested in, plus worked with several in-house affiliate programs that are no longer around.

Long story short, Dan (my youngest son) died in a car crash on Mother’s Day (May 13, 2002). My brain and heart shattered. He was not ill, he was healthy so it was unexpected. He was 20. Chris and I lived in NYC for a few years, I had a good job but had to quit. I couldn’t tolerate office politics, couldn’t justify being away from Chris 8 – 10 hours a day so I quit. I got a job at Club Mom for a short time and that’s where I met Shawn Collins.

Chris and I needed to move back to Rochester where we were from and the affiliate checks started getting bigger and bigger. I was also getting a decent amount of money selling on CafePress.com. In November 2005 CafePress lost their affiliate manager and she recommended me for the job, even though we were 3000 miles apart. In 2005 there weren’t as many OPMs as there are now. I was excited and made plans to possibly move to the west coast, Chris was very thin and always cold and I thought it would be great for him.

Back up a little to Affiliate Summit Las Vegas in June 2005. What I forgot to say is that after Dan’s death I was very agoraphobic (short version it means you like to stay home and especially not travel across the country). Shawn had invited me to come take photos at that Affiliate Summit, and that is where I first met Billy Kay in person – we knew each other from another online forum and from frequent yahoo chatting and phone calls.

This is a little more that just how I started, but since I got this far I might as well continue. Getting to that first (for me) Affiliate Summit probably saved my life. I realized finally that I could miss my son, but could be in public without crying or having a panic attack or break down when I saw other moms with their sons. So for that I owe Shawn (and Missy – although I hadn’t met her yet) forever a debt of gratitude.

So I had gone from being Affiliate to being Affiliate Manager. Life was good. Chris didn’t want to move to the west coast because he would miss Liz’s son Alec. I figured once I got him there for a visit he would be fine and want to stay. So I went and started the job planning to get him out there eventually.

That was not to be. I loved working for CafePress, I had been a long time shopkeeper, knew most of my affiliates personally. Then I got a phone call from Liz while driving with a friend from San Fran to LA “Mom, Chris is in the hospital”. She and I were on the phone almost constantly for the next week, I wanted to go back, but I also didn’t want to be away from a phone for 6 hours while I was on the plane. Liz had questions from the drs, Chris said “I’ll be ok, stay out there”. He went home to his girlfriend’s house that Saturday and Sunday I got the call from Liz that Chris stopped breathing and was on the way back to the hospital. We all knew he was already gone. So Sunday March 5th, 2006 my life shattered again.

I tried to be able to work in a corporate environment and I couldn’t do it. Schedules and meetings and office politics to me were inconsequential. They were BS that I didn’t want to put up with. I was talked into going to the Orlando Affiliate Summit, where I was greeted by people that had never talked to be before and people I barely knew with hugs and support. I told certain people ahead of time that if I started to panic I needed them to give me a hug. I had lots of hugs that Affiliate Summit, and went back to San Fran and quit my job.

After a short stint at a network, I became an OPM. Because I can’t work for other people, For years I would refuse to meet deadlines. Deadlines were meaningless.

Without this industry, which lets you work where you feel comfortable whether you are at home or at a hotel or a casino in Vegas, I don’t know what would have happened to me. This industry gave me a way to work in the type of environment I need to work in, on my schedule, and earn a living.

Chris loved Stoli, Jim Morrison and the Lord of the Rings trilogy – so have a shot then go listen to some music and watch a movie with your kids today.

How Did I Get Started on the Internet?

May 13th is a special date to me. It’s the day I got engaged (1976), it’s the day I got divorced (1990), it’s the day my youngest son died (2002). Each year on May 13th I try to do something he would be proud of. He was a big supporter of my photography skills and my writing ability (although he was the one with all the writing talent 🙂 ) so every year for the past several years I would go somewhere and photograph something. Some years while I was in Rochester it was the lilacs at Highland Park and other years it was Red Rock Canyon, and still others NYC parks. This year I had a bad fall this week and can’t hold a camera or go for a walk. So I challenged myself to do something I don’t normally do. I recorded a solo podcast. It is meant to be an inspiration to other parents of children with disabilities and a peek into life before the World Wide Web, when the internet was just green letters on a black screen, but that still allowed you to do research you would ordinarily take months to do.

I kept it to 20 minutes and didn’t say all that I had to say, but will add more later. For this special edition I just wanted to tell part of the tale, the part that will hopefully inspire other parents to reach out, start a blog, use online resources to make their lives and their children’s lives the best they can be.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Need inspiration to follow your passion?

Originally posted elsewhere on September 19, 2007:

Today is my son Daniel’s birthday. He would have been 27 today. Over the past 6 years I try every year to get through his birthday without anguish. For those that don’t know, he died in a car accident in 2002. On Mother’s Day.

Why post today? Why not just hide away like I planned? Because his story is one of passion and ambition and brilliance. And unlike so many other people, he *did* what he was passionate about. He didn’t talk about doing things, he did them. And he had obstacles, oh did he have obstacles. He didn’t finish high school because he had panic attacks. And he went on to attend Hofstra University and got into the highly competitive NYU Dramatic Writering program. I lived with him at NYU in the dorm for a year (well, it was almost a year) because he went there right before 9/11. When the buildings came down, they weren’t concerned with finding a health aide for a 20 year old in a wheelchair, they had bigger issues to deal with. But that’s another story for another day.

He wrote his first complete novel when he was 10. It blew me away. It is no longer around, the files got corrupted on the computers it was on, the hard copy is no where to be found. It wasn’t meant to be his legacy.

Passion… when you think about how hard it is to do what you love… think of Daniel and how he managed to do what he loved, and know that he was poised for greatness when the universe claimed him back. He followed his passion… to the day he died. He had a movie in independent pre-production, he had an internship with the Emmys, he was ready to fly.

The Movies

Slay the Demons – When a random act of violence forces Brent Fischer to relive the traumas of his past, he’s forced to finally face down his demons or let them destroy him forever.

Age of Experience – An exploration of the difference between age and maturity seen through the eyes of two male prostitutes and a disabled college student. It’ll suck the funny right out of the room. And then you’ll get to the climax.

kiuljuk – An online plea from an old college friend fills Greg Mitchell with confusion. Because what happens online isn’t real life. That is, until it is.

kilran – Death in a funny suit

Go do what *you* are passionate about and don’t make excuses why you can’t.

A wise man told me in May, “just keep thinking of the future”. And today he said “go forward, go forward”. I am going forward and not dwelling on the past, but the past has some issues I need to deal with now and then. And Dan’s accomplishments going unnoticed are one of the things that bother me now and then.

Daniel was also a huge positive influence on people that knew him. He made a huge impact on a community of script writers, Project Greenlight. Most people only know that now because of the tv show, but it started as a community, a forum, where a young man named dfogg had a huge influence and following. He met his girlfriend there, he made friends that were his business partners, he inspired other people to write and attempt to market their writing, when they were too shy or lacked confidence to do so. Sound familiar?

He stirred controversy, went to live events – in LA, and believe me flying cross country was not easy on us. Especially the trip that all three of us went. Neither Dan or Chris could sit in an airplane seat comfortably, and airlines don’t really know what to do with 300 pound wheelchairs. I sat between them, taking turns letting them lean on me or holding them up. But I digress….

He started on a message board and made people do what they were afraid to do. He inspired people. So maybe that is why I am so pushy about inspiring people myself.

And he *is* the reason I repeat “life is too short”. His life was too short. He is the reason I pressure some people to get out of their comfort zones and do certain things.

Follow your passion, follow your heart.

Life’s To Short to Not Accept That Some Days You Will Still Grieve

There are birthdays and there are the “anniversaries” and I know that even as time passes they don’t get easier… even if we want them to. So on “those days” (for me today is one for Chris) I try to do something that reminds the world about how special those we love are and how hard it is when they are gone.

It’s been easier to deal with adults that leave us, my dad, my sister – but even when your children are adults it tears your heart out and leaves a whole to big to fill. Even when your life finds a new path, and that path is a good one, there are still times when the memories and the pain resurface.

I write this because life it too short to not acknowledge the pain, take a day with the memories, do something that honors that child (brother, uncle) that you lost and understand that it is still ok to grieve even though it makes those around you feel sad that they can’t “fix it”.

Chris was my life, especially after his brother died. He was a quietly wonderful man, he drew (I don’t have his drawings), he played Gemstone IV online incessantly, he was an actor (which is why he loved the online roleplaying). So I don’t have anything “tangible” from him, but great memories of his love for animals, his love for his nephew, his passion for acting.

Some of you met him in person or virtually. He was part of your lives too. Today we can grieve again and tell people to listen to the Doors (he was a huge Jim Morrison fan) and have a shot of Stoli…. and remember that life is just too short.

(Chris left us this day in 2006 – he had been in the hospital for a few days, he went back home with his girlfriend, they got up in the morning and he had trouble breathing. She went to get him a drink and when she came back in the room he had stopped breathing. She did CPR, called 911, but it was done. He died quietly and quickly.)

For Chris

There are birthdays and there are the “anniversaries” and I know that even as time passes they don’t get easier… even if we want them to. So on “those days” (for me today is one for Chris) I try to do something that reminds the world about how special those we love are and how hard it is when they are gone.

It’s been easier to deal with adults that leave us, my dad, my sister – but even when your children are adults it tears your heart out and leaves a hole too big to fill. Even when your life finds a new path, and that path is a good one, there are still times when the memories and the pain resurface.

I write this because life it too short to not acknowledge the pain, take a day with the memories, do something that honors that child (brother, uncle) that you lost and understand that it is still ok to grieve even though it makes those around you feel sad that they can’t “fix it”.

Chris was my life, especially after his brother died. He was a quietly wonderful man, he drew (I don’t have his drawings), he played Gemstone IV online incessantly, he was an actor (which is why he loved the online roleplaying). So I don’t have anything “tangible” from him, but great memories of his love for animals, his love for his nephew, his passion for acting.

Some of you met him in person or virtually. He was part of your lives too. Today we can grieve again and tell people to listen to the Doors (he was a huge Jim Morrison fan) and have a shot of Stoli…. and remember that life is just too short.

How the Internet – Not Yet the WWW – Helped Me Find Info on My Sons’ Disease

When my sons were diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy back in 1981 I had to pull the name of the disease out of the doctor over the phone. Chris was born in 1978 and was very sick when he was 7 weeks old which left him very weak. He regained his strength to a point and at about 8 months old he stopped again. In the meantime I got pregnant for his brother, we dealt with Chris like he was paralyzed, the drs couldn’t explain what was wrong. He started getting physical therapy. Danny was born, developed normally, no illnesses and at 8 months old stopped developing strength in his legs. Time for tests. They ran tests on both boys and we saw a neuromuscular specialist. That is the dr that I got on the phone to try and get the test results. We had been playing phone tag for a week and I was frustrated. He wanted to talk to both me and their dad at the same time, and I said no, just tell me what they have. Longer story short… he told me. (I later found out that when he explained the condition to another mother in his office one day that she physically attacked him. I understand that, but I was on the phone and wasn’t about to drive across the city to go punch him.)

I got off the phone with him an hour before a nearby library was closing so I headed out quickly and went through the card catalog (remember those?) The librarian wanted to help, she stayed open a little late while I did basic research. She found reference in a book and she gasped before she showed it to me. It said most children with the disease died before reaching age 1. I reassured her that one of my children was already 3. She sighed and found some more stuff, we copied it and she said I should search medical journals. I had access to a local University and started searching there.

Since I was computer literate, I did also did a library search online. At the time there was no World Wide Web, the internet was a black screen with green letters on it. I had found a medical library online that was very expensive to use during the day, but was much less expensive in the off hours. I printed out pages of results and called the main library that could then find the articles that were referenced and copy the pages of the physical journals. The online information was just abstracts, full text was like $300 an hour. The service I was using was KnowledgeBase and it was $20 an hour if I remember correctly.

By the next doctor’s appointment (this was a noted specialist in neuromuscular disease) I had copies of research that even he hadn’t seen. Flabergasted, he asked where I got this information and then asked if he could copy my research, and I handed him over 100 pages of medical journal articles and printouts of more abstracts. I still have a yellowed manila envelope of all those copies.

I never treated my sons like they were going to die, or pampered them. We took what we learned, we worked with an angel of a physical therapist, and we gave them the best life we could, because we didn’t just take the diagnosis and listen to the doctors and therapists and other parents – the ones that just blindly follow the “this is all we can do” philosophy. My sons never walked unaided, were never able to bear weight, but they were healthier than their peers because we did things out of the norm.

Danny didn’t die from his disease, he died in a car accident. Chris outlived most of his peers and had (a phrase I actually intensely dislike, but it’s all we have to describe it) – he had a great quality of life.